More info relating to last Monday. Wild Bill told me today that he had some serious bad news relating to Wendy.
I'm like, "She banged you in the ass with a strap-on?"
"No, much worse," he replied.
Hell, I figured to get worse that that, she'd have to call in the US Buttfucking Squad to have their way with him while she sits back & shoots heroin while giving her dad a hummer. Turns out, it wasn't near as bad as he made it out to me, in my opinion.

WB tells me he was over at Wendy's last night, & at some point managed to piss her off immensely. Well, she runs into her room & starts cutting her arm with a razor blade! Freaked out, WB waits til she goes to sleep, then quietly slips out of the apartment, vowing never to return! Perhaps comparing Wendy to a Kobe beef burger wasn't a good analogy--she's probaly closer to a Rallyburger, which still beats the hell out of a shit sandwich.

It seems that Pam (who lives three doors down from Wendy) is supposed to have a party tonight, & Wild Bill is considering going. I'm considering going myself but I woke up with a swollen eyelid this morning, so I'm not sure if I'll be making it.

In other news, Randy's supposed to email me those pics, so I'll post them as soon as I have them.

Burn in Hell
posted by El Bastardo at 7:42 PM

Talked to Wild Bill today (Wednesday)--he gave me a bit of extra info I didn't know about--it turns out that Johnny Cash revoked Hannah's V-card the other night. WB also told me he's trying to hook up with Wendy which is far better than that bitch Monday night--it's like comparing a Kobe beef burger to a shit sandwich. I also learned that Randy & the Wiz had pics of the whole sordid affair with the car. Haven't seen the pics yet--I might ask Randy if he'll let me post them on here.

Burn in Hell
posted by El Bastardo at 3:22 AM

This has been skank week, I think. So last night the Wiz invites me to join him, Wild Bill, & a few others at Tumbleweed for dollar margarita night. I in turn invite Larry, bound for glory as future SGA president, to meet us out there. Once there, I see Keif & Piggy (who I hadn't seen in months). Pretty soon we have a big group at the table--Me, Piggy, Kief, Wild Bill, Randy, Larry, the Wiz, Tammy, Chene, & Aaron. Wild Bill has a couple've hos lined up for him & the Wiz, & soon they arrive, Linda & Kim, with their friend Matt. Pam shows up later & WB asks if we can go over there after the 'Weed closes, & she says its cool. Johnny Cash, who's working, is also planning to join us after he gets off. Kief & Pigg leave for the Mag Bar, & Pam & Tammy go their own ways as well. The rest of us are having a good time waiting for JC to get off. We move over to the bar & are having a good time (the Wiz has picked this night to end his one-year abstention of alcohol, by the way). The subject of bukkake comes up. Chene doesn't know what it is, so I tell her to call her dad. She does! Well, no one in her family seems to know what it is either, but her dad wants her to call back & tell him when she finds out. Of course, I get elected to break the news, illustrating what bukkake is by arranging the items on the table ("The candle in the center is you, Larry's the salt shaker, Randy the pepper, etc"). After a look of disgust, she calls her dad back & tells him. She relates his response as "Ewwwww!" Oh, and the first time she called her dad, Randy's drunk ass got on the phone with him & said, "Chene LOVES bukkake!"

Well, it's about closing time, & the folks at the 'Weed are getting irritated, so we have to move outside to wait for JC. Larry & Chene leave, so it's me, the Wiz, Aaron, Randy, WB, Linda, & Kim remaining. One of the guys at Tumbleweed is giving JC all kinds of shit, so Linda & Kim barge inside & show us how classy they are by trying to pick a fight with the dude. JC gets them calmed down & we continue to wait. All the while, the Wiz is trying to get Kim & Linda to show their boobs, but they get him to go behind the dumpster & show them his dick, with promises of fellatio, but alas, it never happens. Oh yeah, these broads just kept getting classier & classier.

So JC finally gets off & we make our way over to Pam's apartment. By this time the Wiz has decided that Kim is bad news & is no longer pursuing her. Well, we all get parked & everything & these girls are looking out their window at this big group of people--the Wiz goes up & asks them if he can come in & piss. They let him & soon all of us walk in, half of us didn't hear the Wiz's exchange so we think we're at Pam's. The three girls who live here are Hannah, Jessica, & Wendy, all of whom are 19-20 & two of whom I think are quite attractive (the third was a bit too chunky for me--but I'm a perfectionist, so what do I know?). These girls have a fox terrier & of all things, a pet duckling! What the fuck? Not my first choice of pets, that's for sure.


We end up migrating to Pam's apartment where we also run into Hunter & this dude named Joseph (I think). Me & the Wiz leave to get some beer (that reminds me--he owes me money) & come back. Soon Jessica, Wendy, & Hannah join us. Randy has passed out on the couch by this time, & Hannah gets talked into unbuttoning his fly & putting her head near his crotch while Wild Bill takes pictures & Johnny Cash grabs her ass.

Pam soon goes to bed & after she yells at us to keep it down a couple of times, we all migrate back to Hannah, Jessica, & Wendy's. By this time it's me, the Wiz, Randy, Wild Bill, Johnny Cash, Hannah, Wendy, Jessica, Matt, Linda, Kim, & Joseph. Randy immediately goes to sleep on the couch. The Wiz makes one of his typical smartassed comments & Kim ends up spitting on him. Let me note that these girls were such ghetto white trash I was amazed that WB even considered hooking up with them. By this time I think he didn't want anything to do with either of those skanks. Well, the Wiz doesn't hit Kim, but he certainly wants to. Things settle down for a bit, then Randy wakes up & says something & Linda starts getting in his face. That gets broke up & Kim comes in & gets in Randy's face while he's laying on the couch. "You disrespectin' mah girl?" she says & pours some beer on him. Randy leaps up & looks like he's gonna knock the toal fuck out of her snagletoothed maw, but JC intervenes & carries her outside.

Things calm down again. Jessica is in bed by now & JC is putting the moves on Hannah, which I find rather surprising, considering he's one of the best-looking dudes there & could do far better, but to each his own. the Wiz & WB try to watch & get kicked out while Randy spends about 15 minutes in the bathroom. Well, shortly after Randy emerges from the bathroom, he leaves with the Wiz.

About half an hour later, Kim goes outside & comes in raging. "That motherfucker shit on my car!" The rest of us were just rolling, but her & Linda were mega-pissed, asking were Randy lived, his last name, what he drove, & a bunch of other shit nobody knew. I think nearly everyone there would agree that that bitch got exactly what she fuckin' deserved. About this time, Kief had come back from the Mag, he found it entertaining as well. I guess Joseph didn't know it was shit on Kim's car, because somehow she convinced him to wipe it off with his shirt. He was thus dubbed "Shitshirt" by Hannah. People soon began leaving, & I was outta there about 4:00. It was overall, a pretty fun night, filled with a lesson--if you want respect, don't act like a cunt.

Burn in Hell
posted by El Bastardo at 10:33 PM

Went to the Mag Friday night with Mike D, Missy, Ern, Chris & DB. Ern & Chris rode with Missy while the Mike D & myself rode in DB's car. Now DB had already been drinking, so I offered to drive, which turned out to be a wise decision, 'cause he was fucked. Anyway, DB's ride was sporting a nice little Papa John's sign on the roof, because he delivers pizza & forgot to take it off, so here we are looking like we're doing an inter-State pizza delivery, headed from New Albany to Louisville, me & my sober-challenged comrades. Oh yeah, driving this car took some getting used to 'cause I usually drive a pickup--so I'm sitting about 2-3 feet lower than normal--plus, it's raining like a motherfucker, which doesn't help either.

We get to the Mag & most of the night Chris spends talking to this chick named Sarah that he's seeing, while Missy talks to some of her friends, & me, Mike D, Ern, & DB all hang out. DB tells us a never-ending story about how he went into this rehab place where he fucked two (2) different chicks--one was 18 & one was 26. He repeated this several times like some Vietnam vet telling his grandkids how he won the Congressional Medal of Honor. I told him that that was how I was gonna start introducing him to people--I did to two that night, which was quite funny--"This is DB. He was in rehab, where he fucked TWO different chicks--one was 18 & one was 26!"

Meanwhile, there's a few bar skanks floating around. This one is particular comes up to the table & talks to us out of the blue like she's trolling for some trouser snake. She was kinda cute, but something about her just screamed "VD!" Later on that night, DB spends about 15 minutes macking on her. If Missy wasn't there, he would've probably went home with her.

Speaking of Missy--at one point she comes over & tells us about how some guy she just met that night asked her to go in the ally & fuck him & grabbed her tits. Missy's a self-proclaimed lesbian by the way, but she's just recently readmitted penis into her vagina--namely, DB's. So Mike D gets pissed & storms off looking for the guy. I ask her to point him out, but she won't due to fear of making a scene. DB doesn't seem to care at all, so Missy gets pissed--"You're the one I'm fuckin', & you're not mad at all!" Through his drunken haze, DB realizes he's fucked up, & the remainder of the night comments about how he's "in Hell." Later Missy tells us she didn't expect to have feelings for DB, 'cause they were "just fuckin'," but now she's not so sure. Needless to say, the night is fraught with drama--it's like some kind of fucked-up alcoholic soap opera set in a sleazy bar. They could call it "Skanks of Our Lives," or "The Young & the Dysfunctional," or "General Rehab."

Well, before we leave that night, Ern ends up scoring an older (30) woman's number--him & Mike D had been checking her out all night, & she was Dressed for Dick(TM). I'd seen her there several times before & usually she looks pretty cracked-out, but she looked pretty good that night from a distance. She had told me earlier that night that she was recently single once more & it was obvious she was on the hunt. Unfortunately, in a moment of drunken weakness I might possibly give in, but I was far from drunk. Ern rode with us on the way back (I drove again), & once we got to his & Mike D's crib, Mike D immediately copies the number Ern scored. Mike D is drunk as fuck still & Missy & DB are on the couch looking like they're about to make up. Mike D starts fighting a chair & ends up fucking himself up. Ern's beginning to have second thoughts & asks for my opinion. I tell him to do what he wants, but I would definitely shellac my cock before getting it anywhere close to that chick. He ends up burning the number. Mike D, of course, still has his copy, so we'll see what happens.

Burn in Hell
posted by El Bastardo at 7:34 PM