Went to a couple of shows last night. First, Maria invited Jason & I to this bizarre church service in Greenville. The group was called something like "Faith Harvest," & the service was held in a different group's church, because the barn that Faith Harvest formerly met in burned down earlier this year.

Well, we get there & everybody's all friendly & shit. Jason & I have no idea what we're in for, as neither of us are big church-goers. Maria seems to know everyone, though this isn't her regular church. Turns out, this group is somewhat pentecoastal in nature. There was a church band, consisting of a guitarist who shared vocal duties with another girl, a drummer, a bass player, & a guy who alternated between keyboards & trumpet. The band started out holding hands & babbling. I asked Maria what they were doing & she said they prayed before every service. "But they're babbling," I said. "They're praying in tongues," she replied. Maybe they thought they were speaking in another language, but it sure didn't sound anything like another language--la la lib li la li bi la la ga la, etc. "Tongues" my ass. Even John Belushi's fake Japanese when he played his samurai character was more realistic. Ever wonder why no one ever reads or writes in tongues? Cuz they don't know the fuckin' language! They're just babbling some nonsense they made up themselves. You'd think God would know another language or two he could share with his followers.

http://www.skepdic.com/glossol.html

Well, just before they started, someone brought out a tray of little cups filled with communion wine. I asked Maria if they believed in transubstantiation (the belief that the wine & cracker literally transform into the blood & flesh of Jesus when consumed), but she said no. She also mentioned that the whole concept of transubstantiation is kind of morbid. Speaking of morbid, the guy I assumed to be the church leader opened up services with a prayer to let the blood of Jesus wash over the whole place. Lovely--I suddenly picture the scene from [i]Carrie[/i] where a bucket of pig's blood gets dumped on her at prom: http://www.horror-wood.com/carrie.htm

The music wasn't bad, other than the trumpet player sucked. The guy who started the service also had a shofar, which he would blow every now & then. The worst thing about the music was that it went on FOREVER. In an hour's time, they played only two or three songs--it was verse after verse after verse about little more than praising, loving, obeying, etc God/Jesus. During the service, some of the church members got on their knees & bowed low before the stage, while others danced around like they were at their first Lynnyrd Skynnyrd show. This one guy in front was particularly animated, & me & Jason were about to crack up at his spastic antics. Other people would just watch or sit & rest (a few of the kids even slept). I noticed this one kid sitting in the pew behind us, he was maybe 12 at the oldest, looked bored to death, like he's been dragged there by his mom & was completely fed up with all the nonsense.

Needless to say, within half an hour, I was feeling the same way. So I passed the time by looking up some of my favorite passages in the Bible stuck in the pew in front of me, & bookmarked them. The first was Genesis 22, where YHWH tells Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac:

"Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

From: http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?passage=GEN+22&language=english&version=NIV&showfn=on&showxref=on

Next was Numbers 31, where YHWH orders Moses & the Hebrews to commit genocide against the Midianites, except for the virgin girls:

"Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man."

Later in the chapter, 32 of the virgins are sacrificed to YHWH:

The LORD said to Moses, "You and Eleazar the priest and the family heads of the community are to count all the people and animals that were captured. Divide the spoils between the soldiers who took part in the battle and the rest of the community. From the soldiers who fought in the battle, set apart as tribute for the LORD one out of every five hundred, whether persons, cattle, donkeys, sheep or goats. . . . 16,000 people, of which the tribute for the LORD was 32.

From: http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?passage=numbers+31&NIV_version=yes&language=english

And last but not least, Judges 11, where Jephthah sacrifices his daughter to YHWH:

And Jephthah made a vow to the LORD : "If you give the Ammonites into my hands, whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the LORD 's, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering." Then Jephthah went over to fight the Ammonites, and the LORD gave them into his hands. He devastated twenty towns from Aroer to the vicinity of Minnith, as far as Abel Keramim. Thus Israel subdued Ammon.
When Jephthah returned to his home in Mizpah, who should come out to meet him but his daughter, dancing to the sound of tambourines! She was an only child. Except for her he had neither son nor daughter. When he saw her, he tore his clothes and cried, "Oh! My daughter! You have made me miserable and wretched, because I have made a vow to the LORD that I cannot break."

And this lovely story can be found at: http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?passage=JUDG+11&language=english&version=NIV&showfn=on&showxref=on

Well, I put up with the never-ending song until about 8:30 or so, whn I left to see Calexico at Headliners. More on that later.

Burn in Hell
posted by El Bastardo at 2:53 PM