Howdy, friends & neighbors!

Here's yet another gem from the unreleased Bastard Vault, by a friend of mine from San Francisco named Shoshannah Flach, who I affectionately refer to as "Slosh."

BEACH BLANKET BOOZER
by Shoshannah Flach

Some people just bring out the boozer in you. One of my most classic tales of overindulgence occurred with my then-newly-acquired friend, Jeremy (who has since been party to quite a few of my binge experiences). The scene was set in sunny Santa Cruz - a perfect day to hit the beach with a cooler of beer. Jeremy and his two buddies picked me up and we had some reasonable amount of brew, like three six-packs. As the day wore on, we staggered our way to the store for more. When the sun began to get low, we gathered up the substantial amount of bottles and cans we had amassed over the hours. One of my house mates was a fanatic bottle & can collector (for cash refunds), so I was bursting with pride at being able to return with the “gift” of the remains of a hard day of drinking. Unfortunately, the bag all this crap was stuffed into was bursting as well. Remember how you were always warned to put your shoes on at the beach so you wouldn’t step on glass? They probably had people like me in mind. When we reached the cement parking area, the bag broke and a bottle dropped and my bare foot came down on it full force. It hurt pretty badly, but the 10 beers made me optimistic about my condition - until it really started bleeding! I ended up sitting in this dude’s low-rider lawn chair while Jeremy brought the car around. Meanwhile this guy Greg (who I’d just met) poured bottled water over the gaping wound while lifting the flap of skin that was still barely attached with a leaf. He was quite fascinated by this bloody flap of skin and kept flipping it up. On the ride back, I was really concerned about the amount of blood seeping through the towel wrapped around my foot, but since sitting around drunk in ER for stitches didn’t seem that appealing, I ended up back home (bottles and cans and all), not at the hospital. It was a damn good thing I never got a job that summer cuz I couldn’t do more than hobble for a week - and I have a nice ugly scar that hurts if you press on it to remind me of that lovely time!
posted by El Bastardo at 3:17 PM

Okay, I know it's been a long time, but I do this for free, so quit yer bitchin'!

I know I was gonna talk about how sweet the Calexico show was, so here goes: It was a most excellent show, for only twelve bucks! I didn't care much for the opener, Ireland's the Frames, but Calexico more than made up for it. For you uncultured Philistines, Calexico is an incredible band from Arizona. Their style is hard to pigeonhole, as they've got quite a diverse range (& use all kinds of instruments from trumpets to accordions to steel guitars), but the closest I could describe it to would be if Ennio Morricone (the guy who did the soundtrack for "The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly" & other spaghetti westerns) started a rock band. You can find some free mp3s at: http://www.casadecalexico.com/mp3.htm and http://www.cityslang.com/bandseiten/calexico/calexicodowntext.html

Anyway, they played some of their sweetest tunes, including "El Picador," "Quattro," "The Crystal Frontier," and "The Ballad of Cable Hogue" (possibly my favorite). The only thing missing was their cover of Tom T Hall's "Tulsa Telephone Book." The highlight of the show was the encore, when they did a few songs with the Frames (this was their last show together on the tour), including a couple of Pogues tunes: "The Auld Triangle" and "Fiesta," the later which they ended the show with, while spraying a shitload of silly string all over the stage--a sweet end to a kickass show. You wankshafts should see every band I recommend, but especially this one!

In other news, I had a really bizarre dream a couple nights ago--Medusa was in my bedroom & I was hiding in the bathroom looking around the corner with a handheld mirror trying to see if she was still in there. I don't think she ever left, because the dream ended without resolution.

I guess this will have to tide you fuckwhistles over til next time. i have shit to do.

Burn in Hell
posted by El Bastardo at 5:42 PM