A couple weeks ago, we had some bad storms & tornado warnings in the area, tonadoes even touched down in a few places.

Well, it always seems like any kind of aberant weather in Kentuckiana is hyped up by the local TV stations into a big news event--the guiltiest of which is ABC affiliate WHAS-11.

The weather guy will come on the air & talk for (literally) hours about this big green splotch on the storm radar. Anyone in real danger, of course, will be hiding in a place where they can't watch the TV or won't have any power, so it seems kinda assinine.

Back in the 90's, a big blizzard hit the area & the station had the audacity to package all the footage & market it as the WHAS-11 "Winter Storm" video. I never saw it but I suspect it's filled with mini-interviews of people talking about how many hours it took them to dig their car out of the driveway.

Sick of all the hype, I emailed the following letter to the Chief Meteorologist, who leads the WHAS "Storm Team" (like they're the Fantastic Four or some shit):

Dear Ken Schulz,

I'd like to thank the WHAS Storm Team for all their service to the Louisville metro area. I thought you did a really good job Thursday when you stood in front of the camera all night constantly ensuring us that the storm was indeed moving in an eastward direction. Unlike most people, I don't mind the fact that my favorite programs were interrupted by your intensive coverage. Knowing that you're doing your part to keep us safe from the terrors of inclement weather is far more important than gaining any political insight from Ted Koppel, or getting a few laughs from Jimmy Kimmel. I'm sure all of ABC's & WHAS's advertisers who payed for commercials during the time you were analyzing the storm feel the same way.

I'd also like to thank the Storm Team for their part in defeating Evil Tornado. Though I didn't see any of you out there in your uniforms fighting him, I did notice that the Storm Team was able to lure him into other nearby cities and towns, thereby saving our fair city of Louisville from the brunt of his assault. Knowing that the WHAS Storm Team is out there watching over us helps me sleep at night.

However, I fear that Evil Tornado and his allies, Severe Thunderstorm and Flash Flood, may soon return to menace Louisville. Please keep the Storm Team on red alert to ensure that these paragons of villiany never again strike our fair city. The only way to keep our city safe is to hunt down these threats to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and kill them mercilessly. While you're at it, I also recommend doing the same to Heat Wave, who will certainly attack Lousiville in the near future, and Winter Storm who will probably bide his time, before hatching his nefarious plan in December or January.

Please, please Ken Schulz, heed my words! The WHAS Storm Team is our only hope!

Sincerely,

Rob
posted by El Bastardo at 8:22 PM